His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
