then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
