everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my poor anus
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
