I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
