I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
