i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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