Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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