she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
