don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
