May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
