I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
they need to just BURY HIM!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
