Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize