We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
