If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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