my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
