THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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