i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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