upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize