nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
