Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They have beer where we have blood.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
