i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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