My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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