We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
