A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
