i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize