He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
