i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
