did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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