they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize