I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
