I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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