My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
