saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
