A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize