going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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