i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
