so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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