This is not my ceiling
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
