Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My bed smells like the plague
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize