I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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