At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
