I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
