between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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