I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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