she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
