make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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