Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You ruined the universe
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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