She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
