life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
