So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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