I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
