You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
