I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
