he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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