in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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