How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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