if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
