i permit you to call me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
