she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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