im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
