I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
