Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you had me at cake vodka
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
