ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Houston, we have a blender
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
