i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
