Acid is not a monday night drug
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
