I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize