she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
