so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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