I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
