Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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